Mike Myers: Character Assassin

I was looking through some of my ORIGINAL character names last night and I noticed a pattern. I often like to extend my character names with a title: Life of Martin: Word Inventor, Henderson Mayfield: Hoot Snatcher, Sarra Supreem: Queen of the Streets, Dirk Longjohn: Ram of God, etc. It sparked a memory of another character I invented in when my first 'show' blog was in its most formative stages: Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, a vague parody of James Bond. Just as my show first reappeared in 2011 in Diary of a Sad Man, it initially took shape in an earlier blog than 2007's The Show Must Continue, as kind of playful experiment. The precise year of Myers' movie premiere with Powers escapes me, but I know it predates Mean Girls. That erased account of mine dated back to the late 1990's. Myers scooped up these words when they were still online and the media fully supported him, hyping his new movie to the skies. In spite of this, I wouldn't underestimate Myers' ability to come up with original work. I'm sure he could have invented his own title. He took my words because they were popular and he wanted my popularity to add to his own. What was that movie about again? Stealing someone's 'mojo'? I wonder how he came up with that idea as a charming piece of my personality had been dislocated from its source and was being blazoned across the world to herald his movie debut. I recall being quite upset about this in early 2007, but then I posted Size and everyone started loving me. It's hard to hold onto old grudges when you just wrote a hit song and the world wants to thank you for it. Too bad he and his friends wouldn't even let me hang onto that. Myers' pen was the one to which most of SNL's work would fall, according to most sources. I alluded to this in my poem about Saturday Night Live cast members: The Cinnamon Gang. He knew his colleagues would be lost without him and may have counted on them to steal whole seasons of their content from me in his absence and bury his offense. Because the media only asks Myers why he's so funny and only asks me if I'm having a hard time finding work, the movie he spun from this character I invented was a huge success. No one connected it to my blog, even though the original words were still online when the movie was being hyped. This likely encouraged Tina Fey to spin her movie Mean Girls from another of my posts: Mean Little Bitches. People like Myers and Fey thought it was okay to build blockbuster movies out of my ideas and leave me in the cold, looking like a hack, because I'm a rock star. They must hate rock stars. And where are my groupies? Bashing me on Dateline? Where are my fans? Lining up to see one of their friends rip me off some more? Where's my jet? What stadium am I booked in this week? When asked about the source of his character, Myers cited his late father. If his late father is looking down on him from Heaven now, it must be with bitter disappointment. The people who owe me the most in this life are the ones who treated me the worst. Their lives were rich with love and all they ever gave me was hate.
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