Domestic Forum

Host: It's Monday on Domestic Forum, when we hard working gals like to descend on an unemployed bachelor and really let him have it. It's easy to lure them in by telling them they'll be looked at by women and making them think they'll be TV stars when they don't even know how to pay their rent. And today we have Melvin, who refers to himself as 'self employed'. I didn't know your mother's basement was a business, Melvin. (The crowd of women boo their disconcerted guest.) Melvin: That helps me save on my overhead. Host: Overhead! On what? Your empty pop cans? I can't imagine what you're up to while honest, decent parents are out working to provide an income for their children. Melvin: I do my share. Host: How? Melvin: I volunteer at the hospital. Host: As what? Melvin: A wellness counselor. Host: Oh my, aren't we the valiant little candy striper! Did you hear that, ladies? Melvin's just as sweet as a schoolgirl! He wants to be a nurse when he grows up. (Derisive laughter.) Melvin: Actually, I... Host: You won't fool us like you fool your mother! Now sit quietly and listen up. Who wants to go first? (She deserts Melvin on the stage and joins the studio audience.) Did you have something to say to Melvin? Woman #1: Yes I did. (To Melvin) It's your fault that I have to work two jobs to pay for my daughter's piano lessons. (Cheers of support from the crowd.) Host: Yes, people like Melvin are a tax burden, aren't they? (Approaching another woman) And you, what would you like to share? Woman #2: (To Melvin) It's your fault I can't get a seat on a transit vehicle. (More cheering.) Melvin: Hey, come on! What is this? Host: Silence, worm! (To the next woman) Go ahead and speak your mind. Woman #3: I think it's time Melvin earned his keep by getting up on his chair and giving us a dance. (Roars of approval.) Host: Good idea. Melvin: Surely you jest. Host: (Producing a gun) Don't make me use this.
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© 2007, 2014. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.